


No Goodies For Santa

by afteriwake



Series: Stuff Of Improbable Legends [23]
Category: Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies), Vampire Academy Series - Richelle Mead
Genre: Christmas Cookies, Christmas Eve, Christmas Fluff, F/M, Fluff, Inspired by Roleplay/Roleplay Adaptation, POV Kirk, Pregnancy, Pregnancy Cravings, Roleplay Logs, Teasing, Troll Kirk, Unplanned Pregnancy, pregnant Rose
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-24
Updated: 2015-12-24
Packaged: 2018-05-09 02:12:38
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,631
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5521607
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/afteriwake/pseuds/afteriwake
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Rose has eaten all the cookies in Casa de Hathaway-Kirk by Christmas Eve, and what begins as a conversation as what to leave out for Santa evolves into a commentary on movie Kirk's hair in the "Star Trek Beyond" trailer and Rose's pregnancy induced dietary habits.</p>
            </blockquote>





	No Goodies For Santa

**Author's Note:**

  * For [sideofrawr](https://archiveofourown.org/users/sideofrawr/gifts).



> So first off, OMG this was so much fun to write! This is the last of the roleplay logs-slash fics I was scheduled to write for **sideofrawr** this year (though, knowing her, she may find a way to worm at least one more out of me), and this one _also_ doubles as a donation fic for a reblog (though it isn't _quite_ the minimum word length...I tried, but this was all I could squeeze out). but I do hope it is enjoyed regardless.

"We're out of cookies, but do you think Santa will settle for a salad?"

Kirk hadn’t even set his bag down or taken off his coat yet when he heard Rose say that. He hadn’t even realized she knew he was home yet, but then again, he forgot she had the extra sensitive hearing. He set his bag on the floor for a minute to shrug out of the heavy leather coat he was wearing and then thought for a minute. “Are you still dipping all the cookies in ranch dressing?” he called out.

“Mmm…I was,” she said. “Except I ran out of the good stuff, that Ken’s Steakhouse you like, and the Thousand Island I picked up from the corner market tastes like shit in comparison so I moved on to honey mustard.”

He tried not to gag at that. He was never _ever_ going to understand the pregnancy cravings. The twins had said they’d just gotten worse when she’d gotten pregnant with their sister, and he didn’t want to think about specifics, not really. He’d been too terrified to ask either of them, though considering he wasn’t sure how long the opportunity to ask more grown-up versions of the twins currently in gestation inside his fiancée questions would be around, perhaps he should. It could be potential blackmail to hold over her head later. He wouldn’t be surprised if Rose had already had that same idea.

And people wondered if they weren’t perfect for each other.

He made his way into the kitchen and saw her rummaging around. “Well, do we have any other decent salad dressings left?” he asked, leaning against the table in the kitchen, just admiring her. He could honestly just stand there and watch her all damn day. It was kind of pathetic, to be honest, how madly in love with her he was. Why his crew wasn’t giving him more shit he didn’t know. How James Tiberius Kirk, the mighty Casanova, the king of womanizers, had fallen. How had he become such a sap?

A good woman who wouldn’t put up with his crap and would kick his ass and was a closet softie herself, that was what had done it. And the fact they’d been friends first, long before they’d ever fallen into bed together…that had been the clincher.

“Stop staring at me,” she said without removing her head from the refrigerator.

He laughed and shook his head. “You know, you’re going to be a great mom. You already have the ‘eyes in the back of your head’ thing down pat,” he said, grinning. “I mean, the way Chris and Rhea talk, we don’t screw them up _too_ much.”

“It is still so weird that they’re here,” she said, finally lifting her head up. She came over to him, giving him a puppy dog expression. “I’m hungry. I want something sweet.”

“So you basically want me to cook for you after a long day at work,” he said, reaching over to settle a hand on either side of her waist when she got close enough.

“Yes. And you will, because I’ve got you wrapped around my finger,” she said with a smile.

He tilted his head from side to side. “Yeah,” he said finally. “Yeah, you do. But you gotta do one thing for me.”

“What?” she asked.

“Stop telling the crew to tease me about movie Kirk’s douchebag hair in the new movie.”

“Oh no,” she said, her smile getting slightly wicked. “Hell no. It’s highly mockable and I want everyone to mock it.”

He gave her a slightly pained look. “Look, it’s just hair. I mean, it’s douche hair, yeah, but I think he did that one other movie, and he grew his hair for that, and the Star Trek guys went, ‘Hey, that’s Oscar contender hair. Keep it for Star Trek.’ And he did. And everyone’s just lying to him.”

She chuckled and shook her head. “Nope. I think he was channeling his inner Shatner.”

Kirk raised his eyebrow at that. “Are you implying that Chris Pine has an inner Shatner.”

“Maybe,” she said.

Then he paused. “Are you implying _I_ have an inner Shatner?” he asked, clearly affronted.

“ _Maaaaybe_ ,” she said, her smile becoming a smirk.

He glared at her. “Just for that, no banana blackberry lemon yogurt waffles,” he said.

The smirk dropped off her face. “I was joking, Jim,” she said.

“Well, it wasn’t funny,” he said, turning away. In reality he wasn’t _too_ pissed off; he’d made his peace with his dislike of William Shatner ages ago in Lawrence, thanks to chats with Lexi and Kenzi and a few others, but that didn’t mean he couldn’t string rose along. “And considering you burn everything you touch, maybe I won’t make the melted peanut butter and chocolate syrup mix you dip those carrots and celery sticks in.”

“I didn’t mean it,” she said. “It was…it was just a joke. Poking fun at his douchiness.”

“Yeah, well, jokes hurt,” he said, pretending to be sad as he hung his head. “I mean, there’s the whole thing with how I could have been him, about how I could have had what he had…”

“I didn’t mean to bring it up, especially tonight,” she said, taking a few steps towards him. “I’m sorry.”

“So you’ll stop trying to get my crew to give me shit about movie Kirk’s douchy hair?” he asked.

Rose stopped for a moment, and then he felt a slug to the shoulder. “You little shit!” she said.

“Oww!” he said, reaching up to rub his shoulder before he turned around. Rose didn’t seem to be upset, though. She was shaking her head with a grin on her face. “I had you going though, didn’t I?”

“For a little bit, yeah,” she said with a nod. He let go of his shoulder and pulled her in for a hug. “I’m still going to try and get them to give you shit, though.”

“Yeah, I know,” he said with a small sigh. “I’ll find a way to get you back later.”

“Wouldn’t expect anything less, El Capitan.” She hugged him back. “Still hungry, though.”

“You want something sweet, still? Because I think I used up everything to make cookies already. I don’t even think I have enough sugar to make you the oven baked home fries with paprika, garlic, nutmeg and cinnamon sugar that you like so much, and braving the stores tonight is going to be a bitch, if there’s even anything open between the unending snow and it being Christmas Eve.”

“Yeah, the snow is getting to be a hassle when it comes to practical stuff,” Rose said. “But otherwise it’s fun.”

“Well, at least it’s been steady,” Kirk said. “I think there might have been a panic if it was a blizzard or something. But if it doesn’t go away soon, I’m kind of hoping it lasts through to New Year’s Eve.” It’d be nice to start the new year with snow falling. Curl up in here and maybe watch some New Year’s themed movies all evening.”

“What, no watching Times Square and the ball drop?” Rose asked.

“Didn’t say we wouldn’t do that too,” Kirk said with a grin. “But it'd be fun to do both.” He kissed the top of her head. “Okay. If I can’t get you something sweet because you’ve eaten every sweet thing in the house, I can make you something savory.” He pulled away and went to the refrigerator and freezer, surveying ingredients. “I can do Kraft Macaroni & Cheese with canned peas & canned tuna and shredded cheddar cheese, spaghetti Bolognese with green olives, bacon bits and Miracle Whip or borsch with Sriracha sauce and topped with banana peppers.”

Rose leaned against the table, nodding her head back and forth as she considered things, and then shook her head. “None of them sound right to me.”

“Of course they don’t sound right. They’re pregnancy craving foods. They’re weird concoctions designed to make pregnant women happy and normal people ill,” he said with a grin.

“There are knives in this room, Jim. Do you want me to throw one at you?” she asked.

He shook his head. “Not really.” He considered things. “It’s only six. Subway might still be open, and I can get me a Subway club while I get you your monstrosity—”

“Hey, tuna salad on a meatball sub with green peppers, olives, jalapeños, spinach, Provolone cheese, sweet onion sauce, mustard, mayonnaise, salt, pepper, oil and vinegar is _not_ a monstrosity,” she protested. He stared at her, eyebrow raised, and then she sighed. “Okay, fine, maybe it is. But it’s all your fault, you know. They definitely didn't get these weird ass tastes from me.”

“ _Anyway_ , I’ll pick up the sandwiches and then stop by the corner market for your Ben & Jerry’s with the dill pickles and the maraschino cherries, maybe, and see about getting some cookies for Santa, too?”

“Can you get the spicy dill pickles?” she asked, her eyes lighting up.

“I can try,” he said. He came forward and kissed the top of her head. “If they don’t have Chunky Monkey, any substitutes?”

“Cherry Garcia,” she said, giving him a grin. “You’re a saint, Jim.”

“Nah. I’m just not in the mood to cook.” He made his way to the doorway between the kitchen and the dining room. “I’ll be back soon, okay?”

She nodded. “Okay. Be careful, all right?”

“I will. Love you, Rose.”

“Love you too, Jim,” she said. He gave her one last grin and then made his way into the dining room and then out to the foyer to go get his coat back on to brave the cold. The things he would do for the woman he loved…


End file.
